I've decided that if I ever became a college professor, I'd create a class called "Relating things to Douglas Adams" and make sure it was around 12, because lunch is sort of important like that.

The main thing is that in watching Jon Stewart talk about Dubai falling into death, and that they have a man made archipelago in the shape of the countries of the world, all I could think about was the planet in the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy wherethey construct designer planets.

Also, I'm going to Maryland this Friday afternoon and I'm sort of dating James again. And I'm sick. And I'm tired. And I think that Ambien commercial just said that someone was agressively normal. Which seems really odd to me.

I have to finish a 10 page paper on whether or not Deckard was a replicant, which is a little difficult since I can't find any sort of academic papers on the subject. There's a lot of "lolz, like youre totally a replicant dude..." and such. Academic papers by peoplenamed Detonator and massive io9 forums about the subject, but there seemsto be a derth of academic papers online. Which is a little annoying, personally, because I really needed them to exist, expected them to exist, honestly. Which is why them not existing is a bit of bullshit. Seriously, all you philosophy nerds who wrote fanfiction stories about this movie, with creative titiles and poetic one line summaries, did none of you think to put pen to paper for actual academia? Not one?

Positive, I got to write an Alice in Wonderland fanfiction for my ENG 281 class. Which is awesome! Well, the story itself is ok. But I'm happy about having to write it.

I'm on both Sudafed and Nyquil right now, so I'm a little out of it.

The Jackass in my Creative Writing class wrote about racism today and mad the mistake of just writing a racist story that was terribly written. Dear god. I just want to spread it to the world, and say "This, this is what offends me." Not the racism, sadly, because I've come to sort of accept it as part of life, and recognize that while I don't consider myself a racis or even as 'white,' that a good deal of people either. The bad writing. Bad writing offends me, and that sort of bothers me because there's an implication that I think myself a good writr. Which I don't, necessarily. I think I'm an ok writer. I wish I was better.

And now I'm going to bed and sleeping for forever. Goodnight.

I'm staying off facebook for awhile, if you know me personally this might mean something to you. Perhaps not.

I know from my posts here, and the fact that I often talk to the people I know about the downsides of my relationship, that it seems like it was really heading for the rocks, that it was already there, lying prostrate under the sun. This wasn't necessarily the case. I loved my boyfriend, I really did. I still do, and I wish I didn't, because that would be so much easier.

I hate how he keeps breaking up with me when things are going ok. When things aren't terrible or unfixable. One bad week in a four month relationship and he can't take it. It's over.

And I can't help but shoulder all the blame. If I was a better girlfriend, maybe he'd stay. If I were a prettier or smarter or just more experienced. Maybe he would've stayed. Maybe. Because he would've come to UK for rugby, but not for me. I don't know what that means.

I'm just a little lost right now, but I've got to go through this all of my own, because I don't have anyone I can cry to thats local. And I just want someone to lie with me, to wrap their arms around me and tell me that everythings ok.

You don't know what you want. Which makes me feel like you don't want me.

I just wish you'd figure it out because you're throwing me for a loop and I feel like giving up on you. I love you, but I don't think I can handle this much longer. You go from being so in love you'd marry me tomorrow to saying we should set a limit of two months on this. I just want you to figure this shit out so we can keep going.

I guess its simple for  me. I know what I want. You. Is it odd that I'm the younger one, and more committed to this than you? 

I'm going to bed soon. I have rugby in about seven hours, so that seems legitimate. NOne of the other packies can have practice at a reasonable time, so we're forced to have practice at 6.30 in the morning. Which means i'm dead. So dead.

Completely dead.

Note: It took three attempts to get him to hold still for this picture.

But I'm happy right now. I had a fantastic weekend. James came down and we hung out all weekend, and my favorite part was one of the not sex parts where he was watching "Lets Go to Prison" and I had nuzzled my way into his chest and was curled there trying to sleep. It was nice to be that close to somebody, to cuddle with someone, especially someone I love. I find it hard to believe I've lasted this long without this intimacy. Not sex intimacy, but intimacy the way they meant it in Victorian novels.

I also finally finished a story for my class. My professor talked to me afterwards and said that if I wasn't already, I needed to consider myself a writer, and a good writer at that, because I have the potential to be great. While I appreciate this compliment, this is the same guy that writes exclamation points on everything. He absolutely loves every shitty thing I've turned in on that class, but I appreciate his appreciation of my work.

I'm tired now, and perpetually thirsty, but I figure I should let the world know that in  between my suicidal lows, I am actually having a good time. And next week I will be with Nicole in NOLA, god willing. At this rate of people jumping ship, it might just be me driving down there for Halloween.

None of this is going to be fun. Except maybe this weekend, unless this doesn't get stopped, in which case, this weekend might suck, and I hate being female.


And now

( to small details about the Red Tide )

Whenever I'm feeling particularly self-destructive, I consider breaking up with the boy.

Like right now. It seems like the best idea.

I'm sure I'll reconsider later, I usually do.

The thing is, I'm completley overwhelmed right now. I have time for nothing. When someone asks, can I call you back later? I have to respond, no, don't worry about it, because I won't be available later. I have to have my phone perpetually on silent/alarm only just so that I don't accidentally get a call during class. During work. During a movie for class. While studying for a test or writing a paper or doing the million other things I need to do. And while it seems sometimes that his calls make me feel better, the rest of the time I don't feel like I can bother him with my problems. I'm not sure if he'd find them interesting.

He called me boring last night. Stopped talking to me in record time because I couldn't find anything interesting to say. Nevermind the fact that neither could he. I was boring him. And I don't want to bother him with my problems because he apparently finds me needy.

I feel like sending him a text message saying we're broken up and then just blocking him on every site I get on, just cutting off contact entirely. It doesn't sound entirely fair to him, but it's not like anyone would  notice the difference. Suddenly i would go from not being his girlfriend to really not being his girlfriend. I would just have to tell the people here, one member of my rugby team and my parents. So simple. I could wish him well. Tell him that I'm sorry he bought a ticket to come see me, but none of this is worth it.

See, my having a relationship is totally within my control. It's the only thing right now that seems to be in my control. If I end this, the only person that I'll be truly letting down is myself. He'll move on, maybe to his ex at Western or some athletic ethnic girl up North or maybe I'll crush him forever. That last one is doubtful supposition.

I think all of my problems can be somehow related to the fact that I don't really have control over anything. I'm always letting someone down. This is the one thing Icould end and I would be it's only casualty.

I have sent my calls for help out into space and their responses have either gone unanswered or remain ultimately unhelpful, even at the best attempts of good friends, and I think that's because this is something that solely rests on me. The only person who can fix this is me, and I'm just expecting someone else to. And I don't think I can, but I'll figure it out on my own. Because I have to. Because there isn't another choice.



Or maybe I'll join a convent.

I had an idea to do a radio play about zombies. About thirty thirty minute segments. But i need to map out where it is going and what the characters are and how they will interact and how to stop it from getting old really fast. Because it has the potential to. So I'm going to start with this terribly rough idea at 3 o'clock in the morning and see how that goes, and see where I can go from there. Ok? 



My main character is Felix. Because I'm a girl and there aren't enough girls in zombie movies that don't have psych powers that transform hordes of zombie crows into a fireball of death and destruction, I have decided she is a girl. But she could probably be played by a guy.



( Read more... )

I can't tink of anywhere else to go because I'm dead tired. I will gladly take suggestions.

There is a boy at school.


There is a boy at school.

Who is a very good friend, a very good boy, the kind of guy that I'd suggest to  my single friends if they're looking for a long term relationship with a boy who pays attention and has interesting hobbies.

But we're about to start having issues, maybe.

Because even if I have issues with my boy, I still love him almost desperately, and I'm pretty sure this friend is kind of sort of in love with me. Not in that deep sort of way, but in that way people phrase as infatuation, even if the way they say it makes it sound sort of nasty and sordid, like he's watching me from windows. Which I'm pretty sure he's not.

He looks at me adoringly. I've been noticing this for about a year, but it's been getting worse lately. He goes out of his way to sit next to me, gets to movies he leaves early when I don't come in, things like that. He was angry that I didn't tell him about my stitches until after I had had them, that I didn't think he was relevant enough to inform immediatlely. Which might be a valid point.

I've now got him going with me to New Orleans for Halloween. Because he's a good friend and a good guy. He's just not my guy, and I'm not srue that there's any sort of real attraction there. Actual, there is no attraction there. He's charming and all, but he's not my type. Ther'es no spark there.

I'm  not going to talk to him about it, because he's a good guy. And I don't want to hurt him. And I could be wrong.

I'm weighing the pro's and con's of breaking up with the boy.

I love him, I really do. I love him so much that if he were local, I think I'd have a hard time staying away from him.

But we've got issues, I think, and I'm not sure how to completely resolve them.



We talked about going facebook official, and how he doesn't want to hurt his ex who is also still one of his very good friends, and was, at one point, his very best friend. And I understand that, but I don't know where to go from here.

I told him that primarily, a lot of my reasoning for the facebook thing was validation, proof that he wasn't embarassed about me becuase I'm not conventional looking. To show some sort of commiment.

I would really liike if I could just figure out what I'm going to do with all of this.

Apparently my validation thing is now just me being needy. I need to be reassured. I need him to tell me that he loves me. I'm not sure if i'm being needy or not, but this has to be the first time its happened.

 

This isn't worth breaking up for, I don't think. And the facebook thing isn't a dealbreaker. I just don't understand how when I'm having an issue with our relationship, its all me. And has almost no relation to what he's doing. I feel like we're having issues and I don't know how to properly broach them.

I went to the Health Services because I'm having terrible vertigo. And abdominal pains.

The abdominal pains were the part they were worried about.

So they gave me a urine test for inexplicable reasons.


And guess what? 


I'm not pregnant!


Upon seeing my excitement, my much older Indian male Dr. explained that abstinence would insure that I never got pregant.

But then would I get this dance worthy joy about how I'm not pregnant? No, I didn't think so.

On the desk in my Creative Writing class was the scrawl

"One Love" 

and underneath it, someone else in another pen had written

"Ask yourself it was worth it..." (Quotation marks and all)

And I had a fight with the boy, a little one because he's coming down soon and I told him I was excited about him coming down and he said he wasn't. And I'm on birth control now, so my hormones aren't my own, so I almost cried in Creative Writing. We're reconciled now, but i wrote a list instead of paying attention.

One Love
Ask Yourself if it was worth it

It's Not Worth it
When it feels like you're putting all of yourself out there
When he rarely calls you pretty
When he takes another girls number on the train to meet you
When he won't go official
When he tells you the good stuff is lies
When he won't tell his team about you because you're not conventional looking
when you think he'd love you more if you were prettier
When he describes his perfect physical match and it doesn't sound like you
When he isn't excited about coming to visit
When you can't find what he might see in you
When he isn't sure he can keep dating you unless you come see him
when he breaks up with you
When it seems like you're tying him down
When he won't call because Colbert is on
When he talks about his ex's
When he keeps joking about breaking up
When he hurts you and doesn't realize it
 

That's when its not worth it.

It's worth it when

Sometimes, when he says all the right words
When he's drunk and loves you so much he'd run away and marry you
When finally he kisses you in public
When he is silver tongued
When he watches a movie and you can wrap your arms around his arm and just feel so warm and loved
When he tells a friend you are dating, even though he said he wouldn't
When he calls you when he's drunk, just to make sure you know he's safe
When he deletes a girls number off his phone
When all his excuses make sense
When he tells you you're pretty
When he tells his parents about you
When he reaches for your hand when you walk in public
When he can make you feel better just by talking
When he keeps dating you even though he broke up with you
When he worries about you almost instantly after rearending you.
When he says he doesn't want anyone else
When he doesn't try to make you take off the ring
When he wants to be there for you when you're injured and sick
When he tries again, even though the first make out was terrible
When he worreis about you when you don't call back because he thinks you're in danger.

That's when its worth it.

If you know him, please don't talk to him about this. i don't really want him to know i talk about him on the internet.

Today has been a shit day. I want to curl up into a ball and sleep for however long I can.

There's construction outside of my dorm. At 7.30 this morning, they replaced the old sound, the one I thought was the jackhammer. Silly me. Now there's a real jackhammer. And its louder. How I ever could've confuse the two sounds, I don't know. I suppose I'm getting more mature in my sound identification. Success.

So I couldn't sleep. And I went to bed near one becuase I had several Sprites and an Orange Cream Jones, which was too much sugar for my body, currently in the throes of almost entire sugar withdrawal. And then I was forced awake at 7.30 for the third time this week. You might notice that this is only the third day of the week. Can you sue construction workers for using a jackhammer outside of a dorm that isn't air conditioned and therefor has all of its windows open? Can you do that? Because I've never wanted anything more.

I nearly fell asleep in my first two classes. I found them incredibly boring. I don't know really why, but I feel a little out of it. One of the side effects of the progesterin shot is mood swings. I wonder if this is related to my terrible sense of apathy. It's more likely the lack of sleep.

I had to go to the library to watch a film for my History of Film class and Xerox an article from this journal called Mosaic. The journal was impossible to find, since there are apparenty many journals called Mosaic but I finally found it in the library. I was up on the third floor and I knew I had to pee, so since I am unfamiliar with the libarary I looked at the map. I couldn't find it. So I croucched next to the elevator, trying desperately not to pee on myself, and Xeroxed all 15 or so pages on an article on Christina Rosetti and anorexia. I failed. I peed a little, and then ended up with urine running down my legs and into my shoes. Which are sandals. I had to stand next to the elevator with my legs covered in pee. Which was terrible. I went to the basement, because I had to go see the film, and went to the bathroom and since I was wearing a skirt that didn't get anything on it, I ended up just tossing out my underwear. So I went to the movie with only one other guy there, not wearing underwear. Which felt super awkward because I normally like to put my legs up and can't do that with no underwear on.

The movie was le Passion de Jeanne d'Arc. It's a 1920's French silent film. With no soundtrack. About the trial of Joan of Arc. I talked to the other guy there, whose  name I don't really know, mostly just cracking jokes about how boring the movie was. (It truly is, if you ever have a chance to see it, avoid it unless you're in the mood to see some beautiful photography and laughable facial features). But then wejust started talking, and he seemed really intent on continuing the conversation. Like followed me around the basement of the library, waited for me to get rid of the key and everything.. Just kept following me around until I sought refuge in the bathroom. I even mentioned that I had a boyfriend, and he kept chatting.

I told James about it, and it was long after the fact that he responded to my text, after I had eaten dinner at one of the cafeterias and walked across campus and was almost into my last class of the day (the class that required the Rossetti article). I just mentioned that some guy had flirted with me, something we both tell each other when it happens, and told him about how I had mentioned my boyfriend showing me Grindhouse in the conversation. He asked how he was flirting and I mentioned that he followed me around the basement of the library. And then I didn't see my screen light up, because my phone is on silent while I'm in class.

I missed him worrying about me, thinking that i was being stalked by some boy around the basement of the library. He texted me two more times. And called. I saw the call and told him I was in class. But he was worried about me. We had a bit of a fight. I think he was mad at me. He didn't dispute this fact when I presented it.

I really wanted to tell him about my day, have him reassure me on some level, but by that point, I was just too tired and worried that it woudl be weird, so instead I'm telling the rest of the world about my terrible day and hoping that when I wake up in the morning I'll be fine.

I'm probably going to bed before my roommate comes back to the room. Once I take a shower and figure out how far away the Cincinnatti train station is so i can get there tomorrow night.

I should be sleeping right now, seeing as how my classes start tomorrow morning at 11. And that the construction that is happening right outside my open window (very far from the ground, that has to be open because I chose a dorm without air conditioning) starts up around 8 and slowly works its way into my concious until I'm forced awake at 9.30. I know this sounds trite (Oh noes! College girl has to get up before lunch! Whatever will she do?) but I've been getting to know my roommate and we stay up talking until 4 in the morning talking. So in preparation for college, I've gotten absolutely no sleep for the past week. It's like conditioning. 



(pictured above: my overly liberal fridge, which has been primarily decorated by my old roommate and my sister when she borrowed it for GSP)

I've decided to completely reserve judgement on my roommate until i've known her for a month or so, but there are some things about her I find interesting.

She's a sorority girl Kappa Delta to be precise, which I was told is the weird sorority by one peer and the cool sorority by another. In genera, I can tell you they seem to me to be exactly the same as any other sorority. A social organization of women dedicated to parties and frat boys, to dressing up for no apparent reasons and giving their pledges animal shaped door decorations and foil balloons. In her case, a ladybug. I have no idea how that is relevant to Kappa Delta, and haven't gotten around to asking her.

She's from Lexington. Went to Paul Laurence Dunbar with about 2,000 other kids, so that is of no help in discening her real identity.

She rides horses, owns her own that she has to take care of daily, but her car is parked across campus so she has to constantly walk back and forth daily (mostly at night-cause that's safe) to go take care ofhim at a farm. She worked as a snowboard instructor at Perfect North, whereabouts her family has another home.

She claims to not care about her appearance, but when she says that, I just want to go "Honey, I don't care about my appearance. You take two showers a day and carefully comb out your hair when its wet so it lays just right when it dries. You spent an hour obsessing about your appearance before a frat party and getting angry because you were late. If you truly wanted to be there on time and didn't care about your appearance, you would've made it. You, honey, care about your appearance."

She's nice, gregarious, and has come back two out of three nights drunk. I think. It's most of the way I've seen her is maybe drunk, so its a little confusing. Maybe she's actually not gregarious. Maybe she's super shy and I've just missed it because I've only seen her a couple of hours. She's either in blind panic or tipsy. Another reason I have to reserve judgement.

I'm sure she'll be fine, but its just really odd to be living with someone who you don't even know. Step one of college, I guess.

I had to take my mother to the hospital yesterday night. She came into the living room clutching her chest and doubled over in pain. She could barely walk.

I had to take her to the hospital.

I drove her there and called my father (who is still in Maryland) and my sister, and my father called my grandfather and told me he was flying back from work as soon as possible. They gave her an EKG as soon as we got there, which meant while I was parking the car they whisked her back behind the curtain and I had no idea where she was when I got there.

James helped, in the only way one can when you're just talking over the phone. The problem with me is that when in terrible situations, frightening situations, I have a tendency to emotionally shut down and seperate myself from what is going on. I get eerily calm, but really I'm vibrating, shaking like a live wire. My father thinks this would make me get a decent job in an incredibly stressful field. I think I would have a heart attack. When I was watching campers, and I thought they were in peril, I went hardcore internal freak out. But it doesn't help anyone when you freak out on the outside. I don't like the inconvience people, and it does no one any good for me to be freaking out on them. But James helped, talked to me over text, told me everything was going to be alright.

My mother is fine. This gets added to a list of random symptoms she has that are unexplainable, like her vertigo. The doctors said her EKG and chest xray where fine, along with her blood work.

I woke up this morning dead, felt like everything in my body had just been sapped out. I wanted to sleep the entire day wrapped up in someone elses arms, to be able to wake up and know that everything was alright. It's strange how attached I've become to sleeping next to other people, how much I enjoy it. Especially since the whole through the night thing has only happened three times. I don't even necessarily need any sort of sexual contact. Just waking up there. Feeling comforted and loved. This can only go downhill. People abuse the trust they are given, sometimes. I don't really want this to be one of those times.

I've been slightly absent from here for awhile, because I started working at a summer camp at Western Kentucky called VAMPY, and I'm about to leave, so I have some time off for at least a couple of minutes. In general, I'm having a good time, but since i haven't been here for awhile, i thought I'd leave this here....

( Read more... )</div>( way too many pictures. )</div></div>( Way too many photos to leave without a cut... )</div></div>( Way too many pictures to not have a cut... )</div></div></div>

I feel broken and stupid and like the weight of a long bearing problem has finally settled in the back of my throat. I feel alone.

 

 

There are times in my life where I can honestly say that I feel empty. I feel like a drama ridden angst whore from a sitcom, pouring out my heart to full journals covered in hearts and stars and clovers and horseshoes. I wish I was sick so that I could cower in bed all day.

 

I always forget what it feels like to cry. Sloppy. Pink. The back of my eyes burn and my throat clenches so I gag. Usually it hurts my stomach. But not this time. It feels like I’ve been gut punched. But not this time. This time it feels like I’m glistening and have bad sinus pressure and that I’m in middle school again and someone just stole my glasses. I hate people.

 

I want to live in the middle of a forest somewhere and hope that the only people who bother to visit me are close family and my wives. Because I don’t think I could handle any of this.

 

There’s a reason I don’t see people I’m angry with. I cry like a four year old. I’ve gotten better at it. Nowadays I just give some crappy excuse (I’m tired, I’m sick, etc.) and then I run out the door and sit in my car and sob. I started crying this time in a car in the parking lot of the Berea Arena Theater because as much as I try not to focus on it, I can’t help but remain angry. I can’t help but feel broken. I want to sob and break down and try to hold everything in, but I just feel alone.

 

I want someone to cuddle with me and tell me everything is alright. And I don’t even recognize that feeling as my own, because I can’t tell you when someone has done that to me. I hate this feeling. I hate everything about it. I hate that people who caused it, but I can’t bring myself to really hate them because that means that three years of work, three years of being their friends is down the drain and I’m alone.

 

Sitting there, realizing that they were sitting just a couple of seats away, that I was about to see them onstage, I couldn’t handle it. I walked out halfway through and cried. I just felt nauseous and anxious and I realized I wasn’t going to be able to feel cool and aloof to me. These people were supposed to be my friends. They were supposed to support me, to help me, to call me when they were having birthday parties. Instead they shafted me, and here especially I feel like the middle school student who sat in the back of classes and thought she was never going to make it through the day.

 

I can’t breath when I get like this. I’ve only cried like this a few times. I think one time was a panic attack, because I just started sobbing without reason. The tears and dripping down my throat and drying, tickling my skin. I hate this. I hate all of this. I feel like a child, and angst ridden teenager something. Something I am not. I am an adult. They shouldn’t’ have this power over me.

 

In a week I’ll be gone. I’ll be at VAMPY. I will never have to see them again. Why was VAMPY always my safe haven, there to save me when I needed to escape? Cause I need to really bad right now. I couldn’t’ survive anymore of this.

Meme stolen from Nicole. It is worthwhile to point out at this juncture that I've never been able to figure out what the word meme means or where it comes from.

- Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper!
- Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!



Why--

Because I love seeing people without their costuming on, looking like normal (albeit overly attractive) people. Because Matthew Goode looks better as a brunette than a blonde. Because Watchmen was one of my first graphic novels, and even if the movie wasn't perfect, it was like fan love. Because I can't find the other half of this picture that features the rest of the cast. This is the more attractive side anyway.



I've had a rough day. My computers internet (worthwhile note: I've been using my mothers laptop during this mess) has been completely inactive. Also, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my computer or my internet connection. It's doing everyhting its supposed to do, except work. Funny how that is.

So I've had to get a subscription ($59.99 out of my wallet) to talk to Gateway. Just to talk to them, by the way, because the free service? Yeah, the scope of their assistance is limited. Meaning all they can do is tell you about the pay service. Yippee. I told the lady that I should've bought a Mac with all the issues I get with my Vista infected computer.

Oh, and I wrote in the questionnaire afterwards that my computer attracts viruses like an immuno suppressed patient. Also true.

Today I got up and went to work on my computer. They did everything they could think of, the only option left is a complete factory restore. So I spent about ten hours today wiping my computer of all information and putting it on DVD's. Music, photos and documents. Oh mother of God, I have so much information on my computer. 11 DVD's worth. (DVD's because I don't have CD's.) 

At 9.30 at night, talked to a new guy (this ones name is Ben, previous helpers were named Russ and Tom (?)) and he helped me restore my comptuer. It appears to now be working, though I leave that up until my father gets home and reasserts all of my virus software. All three levels of it.


Also, I think its terribly amusing that Stephen Colbert cut off all of his hair for the soldiers amusement in Iraq. Kudoes to you Stephen! Even if it was obviously staged.

Fucking Goddamnit.

When you offered to make out with me, what i meant instead of "it would be awkward" is yes, yes YES. Not in a desperate way, only maybe a little, and maybe  it wouldn't have been worth it since the whole thing was an exercise in pity. You have an amazing habit to make me talk about myself, or I just talk about myself around you.

How we ended up on the porch of the Folk Center talking about sex and my self esteem I'm not quite sure about. What I am sure about is that I just missed a golden fucking opportunity because I was afraid. Congrats to myself, I'm still the last fucking virgin in Berea whose never even been really kissed.

And it was such a good day. There was a good hike with the family, even if it was tiring, and then the Contra dance after the fact, and all of that was good. And the two hour conversation on the porch in the dark, that was good as well. Even the conversation at the after party that I barely attended, that was worthwhile. Getting home at 2.30 in the morning-worthwhile. Dancing till my feet hurt? Worth it. Not at least showing that I was interested in him? Mistake.

Supposedly, when you can't come up with anything else to talk about, one brings up the weather.

Well, the weather here is amazing. Really. Because here, its cold as fuck, almost always. At least, it seems that way. I blame it on the fact there's so many buildings here, an in between them the wind gets caught in what amounts to be a wind tunnel, turning the slightest cooling breeze into gale force. Yippee.

But its been a pleasant 60 almost all week. Which means? I walked around campus barefoot for the first time this year (outside of the two times it rained.) 



I'm watching Colbert, Stewart, and Olbermann. Probably will watch a little more Maddow.

It's dead week here and that means I'm almost free from college. I don't have work until next Friday. I have tons of paper work to do, but I feel too apathetic to bother with it. Especially since there are so much better things to do.